The Ultimate Disclaimer:
The collection of humor within this site does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; you may, however, quote my cat; all rights reserved; you may distribute this message freely, but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; message is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; coffee is hot, and may cause serious burns - do not transport between legs; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory - explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable; parental guidance is advised; keep away from direct sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one per family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin; avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting; if symptoms persist, consult a physician; this message is ribbed for your pleasure; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery; subject to bank approval; must measure 34" or under at the last hairs of the mane; $200 cancellation fee for early termination; must be 18 or older to read; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightening, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, any other acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and any incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicles crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fires, avalanches, or projectile (which can include, but not limited to: arrows, bullets, buck shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha Beta and Gamma rays, stones, knives, etc.) Other restrictions may apply.

WARNING: I cannot be help responsible for the above, as apparently my cats have learned how to type.

Enter At Your Own Risk!